Culural Frustration: Gender Roles

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Gender Roles changed a bit during World War 2, while men were off fighting the war, the woman had to take up the jobs that the traditionally only men did.

Today is one of those frustration days about my husband’s upbringing and gender roles.

His mother did everything in the house while he was growing up and it shows. He does a few things around the house but mostly leaves things to me. There are times when it felt like maybe he does this becasue he works and I don’t but then there are little things he does that points to it also being a gender role problem. He simply didn’t grow up doing household things. He doesn’t know how to use our washer/dryer and doesn’t know how the dishwasher works.

I guess you can also call him a bit of a mama’s boy at times.

He also told me once that his father doesn’t know how to cook rice.

Today after breakfast he got up to put the dishes to the kitchen. It was getting to me that he will simply stack the dishes on top of each other on the counter. He doesn’t scrap the food off, raise them or put them in the sink. I asked him this morning if he can please start doing that. He looks at me, seriously and says “Can’t you do that?”

It’s frustrating becasue most of the times he can be very forward thinking, even more then most American’s but then little things like this happen and India’s view of woman and gender roles comes through.

We once had a talk about having children.  My husband told me that he is too busy for children right now. I know that wont change and I realized that I would be doing all child care. It is one of the many reasons (not the only one or the primary reason) we are choosing to be a childfree couple as I feel I could not handle that.

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2 thoughts on “Culural Frustration: Gender Roles

  1. I like to tell this story. When we were staying with them once, my mother in law asked how I wanted my socks folded. She explained that my father in law was very particular and shortly after they got married she’d had to learn how to do it the way his mum did it. My mother piped up and said the same had happened to her, except she’d told my father this was how she folded socks and if he wanted it done differently he could do it himself. He never complained again and she folded the socks her way.

    But being the younger generation I had the last laugh. The same had happened when we first married and I promptly assigned my husband the job of sock folding, forever. I had no idea what his method was and my mother in law had to go and ask him. I also had to teach him to iron and use the washing machine, amongst other things.

    Bit of a different cultural background – I don’t know how your mother in law would handle all that – but same old spoiled sons!

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