Admitting Mistakes and That You Got Cocky About Medications

Now that the cat is out of the bag in terms of mental health…

When last college term was in full swing I was doing great. Had some stressful moments, but I was doing great and I passed all my classes and came out with a lot of things I didn’t have before. All A’s, a better GPA and even a mentor.

Unfortunately, I had started messing around with my medication. In order to stay awake studying and writing essays and getting up earlier I had to skip the medications that made me sleepy. And before I knew it I was skipping lots of my medication, taking some, skipping doses on others. Even forgetting I needed medication at all. Thinking I could handle it. Half dose here, full dose there. Thinking I will get back on my medication later.

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Of course it all fall apart, becasue those things don’t work. Thankfully I have two good doctors and a great husband. My medication is (slowly) getting back on track but I am lucky that I am not in school right now. That the only thing I really have to do right now is get healthy.

It’s proving to be harder then I remember. Updating medication is a pain, side effects are a pain. It’s tiring. It’s reality and it’s…humbling in many ways; I can afford medication, afford the doctor’s appointments, and I can afford the time it takes for me to feel better.

I made a mistake and I really just hurt myself and my family. However 50 to 60% of people with my illness with stop taking or wont take their medication like they should. I am admitting my mistake but I need to remember I am human or the guilt will eat me up and that wont help anyone either.

 

 

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Summer time! (Really Time For Summer And Mental Health!)

When I started this blog I told myself that my mental health struggles would remain private and they would stay out of my blog. That they would not come into my blog and that my blog would remain bright and happy and mental health wouldn’t touch it. I was afraid that people wouldn’t read my blog or worse, it would get a lot of people coming here with a lot of terrible comments.

Well, it’s not possible. I have mental health problems. It’s a big part of my life. It wont dominate this blog in the least bit because I really need a life outside mental health but I also can’t ignore them either. Not fair to myself. Can’t ignore something that I have no control over. I can’t be ashamed. So I at least need to be able to mention it in passing.

I am really in the mood for summer now. I really need a break. While last term of college wasn’t very difficult, I am worn out and I really need a mental break. Problem is I am fresh out of ‘me time’ ideas. I feel since I don’t actually do anything during the day that means that I don’t need ‘me time’ becasue all the time already is. But what is actually is, is that I have no routine. No challenge, nothing to keep me in check. I just simply don’t know what to do with myself every day.

So far there are some things missing: We weren’t able to go to my home state this summer. I need my wisdom teeth out this week and we also have to pay college fees next term out of pocket so it’s just not possible. That is a big let down.

Even though college as been out for a whole month now, I am just starting to feel like I am getting used to the idea. It’s really taken me a while actually get over the shock of not getting up and rushing off for something, half asleep (but excited and happy), all the sudden I had nothing to do and I got a bit depressed. I started neglecting my intellectual soul and that really worn me down.

I am still trying to pull myself back up.

But so far in the past week or so I have done a few things that I am a bit happy about, first off my toes. Silly I know. But I am wearing sandals a lot and every-time I see them I smile.

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Normally I got for reds or pinks but I walked in for my monthly treatment and got that instead. Fun right?

It really is time for summer and I really do truly need it, just simply for my mental health at this point.