Fitness Goals

I am a big believer in the power of goals. I was once in the hospital, very sick and they told me to have goals. Even just daily goals will help. Sometimes I could do a better job and do more of my goals but I do try for the most part.

When I got married I put on some weight, which was okay as I was still ‘normal’ for my height. I then had a job for 2 months and lost 20 pounds but then quit the job becasue I got sick again and gained it back. Then I was put on medication which caused me to gain weight and I am now considered overweight. I have never been overweight in my life and I have to say it can sometimes be embarrassing. Now my GP sees me as being overweight and I have started to get lecture about it from my doctors. I now have hard time finding clothes that fit in stores.  I also have developed stretch marks

So I decided I can’t live like this anymore. I used to be active and healthy. Into hiking and running. I joined a gym and plan on getting a personal trainer to help me becasue for the most part I have no idea how to start. I want to make it a goal to enter those 5k and walks. There are many every month in my area. I can’t enter all of them but I can enter the walks and then train for the 5ks.

It is possible and I know it.

I Notice How Differently We Can Be Treated

I have noticed that my husband and I can be treated differently even when we are standing right next to each other.

It happened again a few days ago. I was at our apartments offices talking to the office workers. They smiled at me, offered me a chair, spoke politely. But my husband needed to talk to them to but could only by phone. I handled them my cell phone so they could talk to him. One lady was rolling her eyes has she was talking. Just like a rebellious teenager to his parents. She looked so stupid and so immature sitting there. I can’t even remember the last time I saw a grown woman rolling her eyes. But when she got off the phone she was all smiles with me.

I have noticed when we go out to eat we are often asked if we want separate checks, even though we are standing right next to each other and talking. This happened yesterday. I was waited for my husband to finish ordering, looking right at him, talking with him and still the cashier asks “Is this together?”

Sometimes when my husband starts talking the person will turn and look at me like I should be translating. There are also small details of how we are treated when we go places. People will often talk and look at me.

I am a majority and a majority with a very strong voice and political power. It’s noticeable in the way I am treated. He gets stopped at airport security and I never do. I did notice though…he didn’t in North Dakota. There was only one line, with no people waiting and only two security workers so maybe that had something to do with it.

But on the flip side, my husband is well liked at work and recently got promoted. So it’s not always like that. A lot of people have a lot of respect for him and he is very personable and wonderful at small talk.

But then there is me. Other Muslims assume I converted to Islam becasue of him. I get stared at in Indian stores and restaurants and I wonder how many of them think I am my husbands secret girlfriend his parents don’t know about. We go to Indian restaurants, order spicy food and ask for it to be spicy. When it comes…it’s mild, always very mild. I have even had waiters explain to me that Indian food is spicy so I am sure…?

Smilies And Cars

Husband and I are amateur car people. We enjoy cars and I find cleaning, polishing and waxing my car to be relaxing. Much to the guy at the local Auto shops amusement. Apparently he doesn’t get many car liking females in his store.  I am a kitten loving, lace wearing, lipstick girl so maybe I don’t always look the part.

This weekend our local art’s center was hosting a rare car exhibition and we went to it. Our local art’s center is a huge, very well funded, made of marble culture relief. Without it and the symphony hall sometimes I would think our city didn’t have much of a culture…outside of it’s own deeply rooted and sometimes backward thoughts. So there is hope yet…Wind Of Change.

It was wonderful. We relaxed, looked at the cars and enjoyed the beauty of the center. We bought a few car related things from the gift shop like tourist and even decided to become members to the Art Center.

We are also member’s of our local Zoo, three libraries and have decided we need to find at least one more culture related thing to become a member of.

I also filed out some paperwork today to volunteer at my local library. I already have a part-time volunteer job but have decided that I would like to add another.

1930 Bugatti Type 46 Semi-profile Coupe

“So Make New Memoires”

Olin Levi Warner, Memory (1896). Library of Congress

 

There are events in the depths of my mind that I would rather not remember and sometimes those events are connected with places and people and they will bring up those terrible memories.

I was explaining this feeling to my husband who told me, ‘Why not just make new memories?’

Besides obvious exceptions (prison for example ), it is good sound advice.

This weekend I will make some new memories and I will take some pictures of those moments in my life too.

 

 

I Give Up; The Search For A Reliable Indian Clothing Company

Laad Bazaar, Hyderabad, India. Credit: Wikipedia, Author Sissssou.

There is a big name Indian clothing company that offers tailor made clothing and they will ship right to your door anywhere for 1 week to a month after ordering it. They have thousands upon thousands of choices so it all sounds good right?

I have ordered from them more then a few times and more then half the time they get it wrong. Often with mistakes that make me think that they think I am just a American who doesn’t know good Indian clothes if it came up and hit me in the face. They will make the dumbest mistakes in their tailoring and with big differences in sizing depending on who is stitching your clothing even if you give the same size. Half the time the clothing would show up and it would be unwearable. Sometimes with such big mistakes (once, the hole for your head being so small you couldn’t get your head into it. My head isn’t that big…) that it was impossible to re-sell on ebay unless I want poor ebay ratings.

Returns were almost impossible and even though they accepted them the company would often just argue with me and not stand by their products or mistakes. I know if I walked into a store here and they didn’t offer returns I would probably runaway screaming.

And in this day and age, with the voice of the internet so powerful it is simply to easy to go on to yelp, twitter, facebook, WOT, Google reviews and leave bad reviews. It is so easy to worn off your friends, family and co-workers that a site, business, restaurant is bad news. Even with overseas vendors can’t hide as WOT gives you easy access to trustworthiness of websites. And I am a big review reader and leaver of reviews.

But I still ordered (now past tense as I wont be again) for two reasons. There was a demand, I did need them for occasions. Parties, weddings, semi-causal, causal. Parties, mosque, weddings, get-togethers.  Of course they are not something I wear daily or even weekly but Indian clothes have subtle differences that can make them suitable or unsuitable depending on the occasion, which means you need great variety. Color, embroidery, style…the list goes one. Again, another day and another post…

Also I ordered becasue of pride. I didn’t want to have to depend on my mother-in-law for all my clothing needs. That didn’t sound fair to her. And as an American, I am unused to people taking so much trouble like that; Shopping in India as I understand it is not easy. Americans tend to be independent and I am no different.

So ends my search for a reliable company. I have tired two others with the same results. And I have also tired Indian jewellery stores and again same results. I guess it is now up to my mother in law. Who buys wonderful clothing and they are perfectly stitched. Years of shopping at the same store and having the same tailor.

I wish they sold online, they would have my business.

Mother-In-Law: Great Respect

Credit: Wikipedia. Author:Capt. John Severns, U.S. Air Force.
School Girls in Afghanistan

My father-in-law payed my mother in law some great respect a few days ago.

My in-laws had been searching for some land to buy. After saving money and their sons sending them money they were finally able to make a purchase.

My mother-in-law has never worked outside of the home, didn’t go past the 9th grade and can barely read in her own mother tongue. But my husband told my father in law to give the land to his mother. Put the land in her name. She has worked very hard her whole life yet has no money or anything of value of her own. She has worked for over 4o years without getting paid.

My father in law agreed with my husband. Now, my mother in law is the proud owner of a piece of India. And the only owner. My father in law nor anyone else is on the deed to the land.

Oh The Joy Of Being Married To The First Son

Bangles my mother in law sent me.

My husband is the 2nd oldest of his siblings. A sister came before him so when my husband came along 2 years later there was a lot of pressure and anxiety about having a boy. My mother-in-law was placed under great stress and there was even talk of getting a new wife if she did not produce a son.

So there was great joy when my husband was born and his 2 brothers after him.

So as I am married to the oldest son of the family I get top billing.  A little bit more exceptions are placed on me and more respect is shown.

The current perk is that I get to choose what color Eid clothes I want out of the bulk of clothes my mother in law has bought her 3 daughter-in-laws. I don’t know what colors she has but if I pick a color she does not have she says she will go out and buy it for me. But I am picking blue becasue I always see her wearing blue or pink in pictures. I know she will probably have those colors and don’t want to add to her busy schedule.

I also feel greatly respected. My in-laws could just ignore me and not do any of the things they do. They could have never sent me Eid clothes that first year we were married and since I am not of their culture I would have never known they weren’t doing that yet doing in for my Indian counter-parts. They didn’t have to take the time to go out and purchase me clothing, take it somewhere to get tailored and then ship it overseas (with expensive shipping).

I have heard horror stories about intercultural marriages and Indian parents reactions. But it is all going back to this post about how my in-laws greatly respect my husband and his judgment so therefore respect me and his decision to marry me. I feel lucky against the statistics.

But I am treated like a full Indian member of their family. She seems to treat me as she would if I was Indian. Which can be both good and bad…but that’s a different topic for a different day.

This is only about half of the whole set. Lots of Bling!

I Like Kate Middleton

The Imperial State Crown of Great Britain

And not in the gossip columns way. I don’t normally pay attention to celebrities and I don’t read People magazine. But yesterday, I found myself looking at a ultra glossy ( general, less gossipy) magazine with her on the cover and I actually bought it. And actually read it. Much to my husband’s annoyance.

Why?

Well, I am getting older. I realized about 6 months ago that I am now in my mid-twenties. Not longer seen as a teenager or young adult who doesn’t know anything.  Even car insurances companies take you more seriously as this age. ( I am hoping becasue of my good driving record they may…I don’t know…drop the rates a bit? My husband hopes. ). You suddenly find yourself in your closet looking at your clothes and thinking it’s all too young for you. Suddenly you are grown, an adult. You peers are ‘settling down’ and you are settling down into careers with health benefits instead of ‘just a job’.

I suddenly looked around me and realized I couldn’t find a role model. Lady Gaga? Britney Spears? Beside the odd friend from school who is married most people my age are still getting drunk in bars every night. I simply don’t know anyone else close to me or that I can relate too. I don’t fit that. I am older ( maybe wiser?) and I feel that I need someone a bit more settled in life.

Kate Middleton is becoming iconic like it or not. She is a woman with a lot of potential in front of her and the energy to do it. When she talks people listen. She has the power to do things and make a difference I will probably never have.

And she has got some great dress sense too.

So I look up to her. And out of respect for her, my ethics and my own reading needs, I still wont pick up the gossip columns about her or her family but I will wish them the best.

Culural Frustration: Gender Roles

Gender Roles changed a bit during World War 2, while men were off fighting the war, the woman had to take up the jobs that the traditionally only men did.

Today is one of those frustration days about my husband’s upbringing and gender roles.

His mother did everything in the house while he was growing up and it shows. He does a few things around the house but mostly leaves things to me. There are times when it felt like maybe he does this becasue he works and I don’t but then there are little things he does that points to it also being a gender role problem. He simply didn’t grow up doing household things. He doesn’t know how to use our washer/dryer and doesn’t know how the dishwasher works.

I guess you can also call him a bit of a mama’s boy at times.

He also told me once that his father doesn’t know how to cook rice.

Today after breakfast he got up to put the dishes to the kitchen. It was getting to me that he will simply stack the dishes on top of each other on the counter. He doesn’t scrap the food off, raise them or put them in the sink. I asked him this morning if he can please start doing that. He looks at me, seriously and says “Can’t you do that?”

It’s frustrating becasue most of the times he can be very forward thinking, even more then most American’s but then little things like this happen and India’s view of woman and gender roles comes through.

We once had a talk about having children.  My husband told me that he is too busy for children right now. I know that wont change and I realized that I would be doing all child care. It is one of the many reasons (not the only one or the primary reason) we are choosing to be a childfree couple as I feel I could not handle that.

Into The Great Plains

I can still feel my husbands reaction the first time we visited the rural state my family have lived for the last 100 years. Shock. It resonated off him.

North Dakota.

Credit:Wikipedia.Sunflower Fields in North Dakota. One of my favorite memories.

My parents no longer live in the state of their birth, but I grew up visiting every few years and it holds some of my best childhood memories. After we got married we visit every few years and it wasn’t what my husband expected it was going to be.

He was worried he was going to be the only ‘brown’ person and that people would stare. When we arrived for the first time at the Bismarck airport he was surprised. The Bismarck airport has 1 terminal, with only 4 or 5 gates and usually only 2 of them are being used at a time. My family complains about the airlines monopoly. Only a few airlines fly into Bismarck so they get to charge how ever much they want for air fare. Southwest, with it’s great deals, does not fly there.

He knew the first time we visited what a small state it is. Total population is just about 700,000 in the whole state, the 3rd least populated state in the Union so we are a rare breed. Not many people can say they have ever been there. But it didn’t really hit him until he was in the airport. But he was shocked too when people would just smile at him. No one stared like he feared. His shock was worse when we made the drive up to my grandparents town. He thought it was going to be like an Indian ‘village’ (as he calls it) but with less then 2,000 population this little town surprised him!

We stayed with my grandparents. My grandfather would wait for us to wake up and then make us fried eggs and toast for breakfast. At first he couldn’t pronounce my husband’s name. He can be a bit deaf at times and lets face it, it is a pretty unique name.

My grandfather took us fishing  on the Missouri river which is some of my favorite memories as a child and my husband caught a fish, much to my grandfathers surprise as most of the fishing season was over. Now whenever my grandfather talks about my husband or we say we are coming there my grandfather wants to take him fishing. He will even talk to my husband about things I don’t even know about. When we were packing to leave my grandfather snuck into our room with a bag of candy.

We visited the Bismarck state capital. My husband got a orange t-shirt that says ‘North Dakota’ on it and it’s one of his favorite shirts.

Whenever we think about going on vacation my husband will say “How about we go to North Dakota?”

We are planning on visiting next month. And oh yeah, my grandfather already told us that he wants to take his boat out.

(When I can find a good picture of North Dakota of my youth I will add one. I know it’s in my house somewhere…)